Tracks in the Snow
by Chaotic Serenity
Summary: Essay revolving around episode 33, especially on the character Ashitare. Spoilers for entire series.


_Author's Notes:_ An important essay that I felt needed to be written.

**Warnings:** Death.

**Spoilers:** Entire series.

Obligatory Disclaimer: I own no part of Fushigi Yuugi or any of its characters.

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Tracks in the Snow

  
Before we even start, I would like to say that if you liked and/or pitied Ashitare then you should read this. However, if you hate him, especially if you're reasoning for doing so is because he killed Nuriko, then I believe that you should definitely take a look at this.   
Now let us begin.   
We've all seen the great episode thirty-three fic passing us by as we scroll through the archives of Fanfiction.net or Crimson Legend. They appear everywhere, popping up in the oddest places, shown in different lights and with new insight. Even on sites where our beloved cross dresser isn't perhaps the author's most favorite character they appear. Yet no matter how many different perspective the story takes, one always come to the same conclusion.   
Let's face it: Nuriko's death has possibly become of the most clichéd pieces of fanfiction in the history of Fushigi Yuugi writing. Practically everyone has tried their hand at it, striving to reach a new level of interest. Entire epics have been dedicated to the memory of the loss; others have attempted to explore the emotions of Miaka and they rushed to save their fallen comrade. In a recent fanfic by a popular author, Nuriko was actually _resurrected_ and brought back from the afterlife in order for the story to continue!   
And we eat it up anyway. It doesn't matter how often we see them or how tired we grow when the infamous "Beware, episode 33 spoilers ahead!" sign appears in a story summary. As soon as they show up, one or more of us rushes up to read and review the fic.   
And there's no error in that routine. I'm not denying that the episode is a touching one. I'm not personally the biggest Nuriko fan, but even that story made me sit down and really consider the good that resided inside of our darling little _ okama's_ heart. It's a sweet, sad episode with a touching and poignant moral to it.   
And yet...as I wonder through the hollows of fanfiction sites, traversing my way through the internet, my author's fingers making barely any impression in the mass amounts of Nuriko fanfare, I can't help but wonder what's missing. What makes me feel so empty and almost unsympathetic as more and more fics come pouring into my hands? What's wrong with this image of Nuriko as the fallen hero and Ashitare as...the evil one?   
So I rewatched the episodes that came before and after episode thirty-three, straining for justification and understanding.   
And as soon as his face appears on my screen, I comprehend.   
I suppose its not hard to hate Ashitare even before he kills Nuriko. Bestial and hideous, with a taste for human flesh and blood and suffering, Ashitare is a creature to be feared and abhorred by many. He shows no mercy to those around him, trotting off to where he is told, absently murdering without any care.   
Or so we claim.   
I'm not denying that Ashitare wasn't a cruel character nor that Nuriko's death was right. I missed the late Lady Kourin as much as anyone, and for a time I hated the raging beast that had killed him as well.   
But as I watched it over and over again, looking on as Nakago whipped and beat Ashitare, wincing as Nuriko slipped his gauntlet-covered arm around his neck and broke it, gazing on past episode thirty-four to where my eyes widened in horror that ran as deep as Soi's as Nakago struck the poor wolf down...I began to pity him.   
I think that, as fans of the Suzaku, we tend to forget who the true suffering are. As we watch the cruelty and brutality of the Seiryuu seven's tactics only increase as time wears on, I think we fail to recall to mind that Nakago's people were viciously wiped out by the soldiers of Kutou or that Soi had been sold by her very own family into a life of rape and prostitution. We forget that Suboshi and Amiboshi grew up in war-torn families, having to watch their parents die before their very eyes as houses and bodies alike burned to ashes around them. Nobody bothers to mention that Tomo's subtle references to his past in _Seiran Den_ are less than glorious or that Miboshi may have very well been good man in one life or another. But most of all, I think we forget that Ashitare was a victim of fate as well.   
I'm not refuting that the Suzaku seven didn't suffer either. Nuriko lost his sister, Tamahome lost his family, Hotohori was lonely, Tasuki's lone female friend died, Chichiri lived with the sin of his past forever, Chiriko died a lonely, sad death, and Mitsukake lost Shouka. But there is a line drawn between the Suzaku and Seiryuu warriors, an important factor that few fail to consider when comparing the two ends.   
Love.   
The Suzaku warriors were given the chance to reincarnate themselves through the love, faith, and companionship they found in each other. The wounds they had would never disappear, but at least they had each healed in their own ways. The Seiryuu seven never had that chance at love. In a cold, lonely world that shut every open door and gave them nothing in return for the love they bore, they never had a chance to become more than hardened individuals.   
For the Seiryuu seven, there were some wounds that **never** healed.   
In order to understand Ashitare, you first must dive into the past and take a look at who he was and what happened to him. Who saved him and who imprisoned him. Who helped him...and who damned him.   
Little is known about Ashitare other than he is a half-wolf, half-man with primordial instincts and little will of his own. He was born in Hokkan and was first found by Nakago while he was in a freak circus. Now while I can't particularly say whether or not Ashitare was mistreated, considering the shape and mentality he's in, it's highly likely. After his rescue, Ashitare was forever indebted to Nakago, now forced to serve and work for him for all time to come.   
Nuriko, on the other hand, grew up a rather happy son of a wealthy cloth merchant in Konan's capital city, the middle child in a family of three children. Up until the death of his sister, Chou Ryuuen was a fairly normal young man.   
It was Ryuuen, not fate nor destiny nor forces beyond his control that made him choose to become Kourin. Nuriko had a choice to be who he was and how he wanted to be, whether it led to self ruin or benefit.   
Ashitare never had that chance to be his own person. Weak of will and heart because of his animal-like conscience, he followed to where the whip ordered. Beaten excessively and most likely malnourished, Ashitare was helpless to escape the situation into which he had unwillingly been tossed.   
Another point of obligation versus choice is when Nuriko heads up Mt. Black to retrieve the shinzahou. Nobody forced Nuriko to go up that mountain. He _knew_ there were Seiryuu warriors in the area, and he could have very easily stayed behind and waited for the others, which may have ended up saving everyone alot of heartbreak. Not that what Nuriko did wasn't noble, but he did have alternatives. We may never know very well why Nuriko chose to go up that mountain alone. Perhaps he felt the tug of fate and rushed to greet it with open arms. Maybe the little piece of his heart that loved Miaka desired to impress her, bestowing upon her a gift that only he could give. Or maybe it was simply a game of chance.   
Whatever the case for Nuriko, it wasn't the same for Ashitare. Had he refused to head up Mt. Black, Nakago probably would have killed him. Eventually we learned that Nakago thought him expendable in the first place, sending an "animal" to do a job that may very well have threatened his more ...valuable pieces in his chess game of war.   
The point of this essay is not to sway Nuriko fans away from loving their characters or to make Ashitare sound like a god. Nobody's denying that Ashitare did wrong. He attempted to kill an innocent young girl and eventually did kill a young man. He was weak of will and strength to rise against the one who chained him, and he followed without ever questioning morals.   
However, what this essay _is_ trying to point out is that Ashitare never really had a chance from the start. Watase herself claims that she created him just as a character who she wouldn't have to think about much. He knew nothing of mercy from the moment of his birth to the time of his death, shunned and hated by society simply for what he was.   
Nuriko died among friends and family who loved him. Ashitare was murdered by the very man he trusted most. When Nuriko died, a thousand voices rose in sorrow and pain. While Ashitare lay dying in the snow, a tortured beast with nothing more than animalistic brutality to face Nakago's power and cruelty, only one young woman dared to voice any dissent to his death. Only one person bothered to mourn his loss.   
There are so many who die without a second glance thrown back upon them. Why should Ashitare become a victim of a fan's bias?   
I'm not asking you to love Ashitare. I wouldn't dare subject you to such a premise. What I am asking you to do is to at least reconsider who Ashitare was and what made him, and perhaps, with the results of that thought process complete, you can pity a man that never had a chance to become anything more than an animal.   
And then maybe Ashitare's spirit can find rest as well, leaving a set of his own footprints, no matter how shallow, alongside those of a warrior who's death touched as so very profoundly. 

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© Veronica Shields   
May 16, 2002 


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